Somoscangrejos’s Weblog

September 9, 2008

Sex on the beach can be dangerous!

Filed under: Humor,Life,Love,Relationships,tourism,travel,Uncategorized — somoscangrejos @ 1:52 am
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Imagine being on one of the Caribbean islands with talcum powder soft white sand beaches among coconut trees and cabana chairs, gazing over azure colored seas full of multicolored fish, sharing your favorite drink topped with a little umbrella and a slice of fruit on the rim with that special someone that makes your blood boil just by looking at her profile while sitting on top of an over sized yellow and white striped Egyptian cotton beach towel, staring at another gorgeous yellow-orange hued sunset through a solid sheet of golden colored clouds that seem to be lit from within by white fire. Kisses, light caresses and hugs; bliss.

Maybe you were on vacation with a group of college friends and came out of a blurred looking, neon light illuminated bar door having just paid 10 times what your drink was worth, holding in one hand that alcohol enhanced, sultry eyed, dark haired, petite, svelte beauty you recently picked up at the bar. In both of your free hands are held by the neck half full glass bottles of whatever poison seemed right for the occasion while walking barefoot, seemingly without course, on black asphalt roads and light brown limestone pavers bordered by deco strips and dark red wood-chip landscaped palm trees, flip flops having been lost somewhere along the meandering trek, finally reaching and flopping onto said white sand beach while trying to decide whether it was daybreak or night fall. Hormones are raging and on alcohol fueled overdrive.

Who knows suppose you were with your parents at the white sand beach all day alternating between shade and sun, swimming, splashing and wading in the warm, clear as crystal water while flirting from near and afar with that young Slavic Goddess that caught your imagination, right under the oblivious eyes of friends and family, at last getting the chance to touch, chat and be together while her numerous and very big, hairy, broad shouldered guardians went to get a shower and a few drinks before diner. You both know in your teenage bones that you won’t see each other again and that in about 45 minutes someone is going to come looking for either one or both of you…..its do something or think about what could have happened for the rest of your lives time.

If unbridled island passion, rough-and-tumble best forgotten, or hurried, inexperienced and treasured memories sex is the next step, be careful! A couple of tips:

Be discrete or become an instant porn star. Camera phone, video camera and digital camera toting locals and tourists are everywhere. They’ll make you famous in the worst kind of way on some home made amateur web site by publishing the photographs of your tryst or even worse yet, high definition video with running comedic commentary on that bottomless fountain of knowledge and entertainment: the Internet. Don’t forget about video surveillance cameras and beach web cams!

Nature is not always your friend. A coconut falling from a palm tree and hitting you is about as likely as a shark attack but falling coconuts can crack windshields so be advised. Beach fleas are nasty little critters, their bite is painful and attack in droves at the most romantic times of the day: early in the morning and at dusk. But the most abundant mood killer to be found is sand. That beautiful, talcum soft white sand turns into fine sandpaper, scraping off skin and leaving sensitive areas of the body raw; on the other hand if one is a masochist then its a sought after commodity.

Never forget to add thugs, thieves, blackmailers, etc., to a list of ways to make a vacation unforgettable. What better way to ruin a romp on a white sand beach in paradise, besides the sand, than to have a thug or more interrupt your energetic or lethargic gyrations to try and take turns at your date and more frequently these days, you. Yes you read correctly, you! Most of these guys, now girls are getting into the fun too, carry knives or machetes so always check your vicinity. They usually just take your valuables and sometimes your clothes but one never knows. Enough dark thoughts for one paragraph, don’t you think?

Anyways sex on the beach, like joining the Mile High Club, it is an experience treasured by many. But unlike the flying Club, I wonder how many try it more than once!



  1. Good advice! Once our pics are published online, it will be difficult to withdraw them in any way, I guarantee. Forever stainy.

    Comment by Brahm — September 9, 2008 @ 3:38 am

  2. Mda… sincer e prima oara cand aud de asta 😛

    Comment by Animalici — September 9, 2008 @ 8:16 am

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